“Mom, look, Charlie found the golden ticket. Did you see that?”

“Mom, Veruca Salt is really mean. She can knock people’s heads off with her bare hands. Did you see that?”

“Mom, they can eat the grass, would you eat the grass?”

Now is a good time to mention that in honor of our trip to Hershey, the ladies were watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

About 75 minutes into the barrage my concussion and head cold got the better of me and I turned around and yelled, “Ladies, REALLY. Can’t you see Mommy is trying to take a nap? MUST you ask me 9,000 questions? What about your FATHER? Can’t you see he is in the car? If you MUST ask 9,000 questions, why not throw a few his way and let me have a few minutes of peace? Can you give me one good reason why you are harassing me and not him? Just one?”

Without missing a beat Cat said, “Daddy is DRIVING Mom and you always tell us never to bother the driver. It’s not safe to bother him but it’s fine to bother you.”

Cat and Tate were playing upstairs while I was working in the home office. Tate, age 5, approached me with a clipboard, a piece of paper and a pen.

“I need you to review this contract and sign it,” she said. “On second thought, you don’t need to read it, just sign it.”

“What is it for?”

“It is a tuck-in contract and it says that you will tuck Sissy and I in tonight using nice words.”

“Sounds reasonable to me” I said and signed my name on the line she had drawn next to a scrawling X.

A few minutes later, I went into where they were playing and announced it was time for lights out.

“Okay, but you have to lay here with us and and entertain us all night until we fall asleep,” Tate said.

“Nice try, but no.”

“Yes you do” she yelled. “It’s in the contract you just signed. Don’t make me sue you to force it, Mommy.”

“ENFORCE it, and where does it say that? I thought I signed a contract agreeing to tuck you in and use nice words, but I don’t recall agreeing to entertain anyone.”

She grabbed the piece of paper and pointed to a few random small lines at the bottom of the page. “Right there Mommy. Don’t blame me if you didn’t read the fine print.”