Okay, so I am not a “dog person.” Actually, I’m not an animal person of any kind. Maybe it’s because we didn’t have any pets when I was growing up. But when I think of dogs, what comes to mind is all the negatives – the slobbering, the poop, the financial cost, the having to find someone to watch them when you go away, their constant need for care and attention.
This is why I don’t question my friends who have chosen not to have children. I totally get that when they think of having kids, they think of all these same things.
Anyway, I can appreciate that there are also a lot of benefits to owning a dog. Dogs can be really fun and affectionate. They keep you from being lonely and they can keep you safe. I never question anyone as to why they would want a dog. I just don’t want one myself. When my kids pester me to get a dog, I tell them that maybe we can get a pet once I don’t have to spend so many hours a day taking care of the humans who live with me.
Now, not all of my kids want to get a dog. Aidan sometimes says he’d like a fish, or a hamster, or a unicorn. But he doesn’t ask for a dog…because he is terrified of them. He always has been. He’s not just scared of big dogs. He’s scared of every dog, even if it is on a leash, even if it is shaking and appears to be 150 years old, even if it is wearing a tiny Burberry sweater and sitting in an heiress’s purse.
Aidan’s fear seems perfectly reasonable to me. I have always been afraid of big dogs, myself. Sure, most dogs are sweet and tame. But some of them aren’t, and you can’t always tell just by looking at them. Seriously, let me describe something to you: Imagine a big, hairy creature with tons of really sharp teeth and drool coming out of its mouth. It is probably going to jump all over you, and may knock you down. You won’t be able to communicate with the creature, but – be careful! – it will get more aggressive if it smells your fear. Oh, but don’t run! If you run it will chase you, and it is very fast.
Are you thinking, “Boy! That sounds like something I want to let sleep in my bed!”
So I have no problem with the fact that Aidan is afraid of dogs. It seems eminently reasonable to me. But I am always amazed at how many people seem to think that this fear is something for him to be ashamed of. They ask, “Why is he afraid of dogs? He needs to get over that. Was he bitten by a dog once?” I always want to reply, “Isn’t the fact that you’re wondering whether one of these things bit him enough explanation for his fear?” Seriously, if he was afraid of dandelions, I would understand it if people thought that was weird.
Because dandelions are not known for biting children.
But usually I just kind of chuckle and say, “Oh, you know, dogs make a lot of people nervous.” Then I pry Aidan off of my leg, where he has assuredly plastered himself in fear, and walk him home.
I’m also amazed at the people who will bring their dogs, even really big dogs, around kids without showing any sensitivity to the fact that cynophobia is very common among the soft, vulnerable people under five feet tall. Of course, many dog owners are great about this. We used to go to the home of DwC’s very own Erinn every week, for a playdate. She always made sure any dogs currently in residence were shut away, so my kids wouldn’t be terrorized. And I can’t complain when we go trick or treating and someone sits on his porch with his dog, giving out candy. (Which is when Mack has to say, “Can I have a piece for my brother?” and point to the costumed fellow cowering at the edge of the sidewalk.)
No, I’m talking about the people who bring their dogs to an area with tons of kids, and let the dog run around without a leash. At our school, we have parents who bring their dogs right up to the doors when the kids are released, so every kid who leaves has to walk right by them. They seem to think nothing of it. At Reid’s soccer practices all year, there was a lady who would come to the field with her dog and a big bucket of tennis balls. She would throw the balls, right across the fields dotted with dozens of three-, four-, and five-year olds (and their older brothers), and the dog would fetch them. The dog was obviously a sweetheart, and well trained. But the kids don’t necessarily know this, and some of them were visibly scared. (One even had to go sit in my his mom’s minivan every time.)
I can’t understand being so oblivious. My guess is that most of these people aren’t actually oblivious, but rather don’t care that their dogs scare kids, because they think the fear is stupid. On the few occasions when I have asked dog owners to leash their dogs or take them away – something I have only done a couple of times, even though our local leash laws are very strict – they’ve always given me attitude.
I can understand that if you are a dog person, and you have a pet that seems practically like a member of your family, you want to take that dog out to have fun. I also get that when you know your dog is well trained, you think being afraid of it is just silly. But I wish those people could hold Aidan after a big dog gets close to him, or chases him – to feel him shake and see the terror in his eyes. It is a real thing, this fear. It should be treated with respect.