I’ve been struggling lately with the concept of enough when it comes to the kids. We are back in the maelstrom of back to school and facing a barrage of requests for our collective time, money and energy.
This year, both ladies are participating in weekly hip-hop classes, after school art and after school science club. In addition, Cat signed up for viola, chorus and volunteering in the classroom of the developmentally disabled kids. Each activity requires a time commitment both for the activity and additional practice, numerous checks, and lots of energy to support.
On top of that, there is the school booster fundraiser, the birthday book club program, book fair, classroom volunteer time, and field trips, now complete with two background checks.
Oh, and there is the year-end dance recital, complete with two days of performances, mandatory ad purchase in the program and costume costs. More checks, more stuff for the calendar.
Cat’s chorus group has the opportunity to perform in the Philadelphia Thanksgiving Day parade – for the investment of more money and time during the holiday week. Break out the checkbook and the calendar again.
Still, I felt we were riding the activity waves fairly well until the big one came along. The girls’ dance school announced that the school is participating in an event at Walt Disney World next summer wherein the girls (and about 998 other dancers) can perform in a parade at the Magic Kingdom. Upon hearing of the opportunity, the girls went wild. “We’ll be FAMOUS,” Cat yelled. “Maybe a Hollywood producer will be in the crowd and will see us and will give us a show and you can represent us Mommy,” she continued.
“Honey, I hate to break it to you, but it will likely be hot fat tourists from Indiana and Illinois who watch you while eating an ice cream,” I replied.
Fanning away reality like a pesky mosquito, she was undeterred. Hearing that the costume involved sparkly red shoes sealed the deal – she wanted in. Her younger sister, normally more reticent to participate in group activities, was even more excited.
“On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being that you will die if you can’t do this, how important is this to you?” I asked.
“Eleven,” she promptly responded. “This is the opportunity of my lifetime.”
If we go, and it is still an if at this point, it would mean more checks, more time, lots more energy. Though I am a known Disneyphile, even I am generally not insane enough to go in late June. It will be hot. It will be crowded. It will be expensive. The lines will be insane. We would be using a substantial portion of our vacation time and budget to go stand shoulder to shoulder with other pudgy tourists, sweating like hookers in church, in order to try to pick out my two in a crowd of 1,000 red sparkly-shod hoofers marching down the middle of Main Street, U.S.A. That doesn’t sound magical. That sounds maniacal.
This is merely the latest parental quandary in nearly a decade of choices. Bottle feed or breast feed? Day care or not? Private school or not? How many activities lead to a well-rounded child and how many lead to exhaustion? Summer camp or not? Tutoring or not? Disney on vacation or not? Family trip or runaway with a good book and a swim-up bar (and maybe Darling Husband, if he promises not to need or want anything).
Like many parents, I ardently want to give my children the world. I want to give them everything they want and more. I want to give them everything I had, and much much more. I want them to have opportunities that weren’t available to me. Yet, I also want them to understand the value of hard work and that you can’t always get what you want.
Where is the line? What is enough? What is the right amount of activity, advantage, and sacrifice to the interest and whims of tiny people with boundless appetites? Where does Good Mother stop and martyr begin? Does a good parent give their all and more in support of their child’s developing interests or does a good parent teach limits?
When is enough, enough?
I don’t know yet what we will do about the Disney parade. We need to decide soon but I can’t worry about it tonight. Tonight we have viola practice, test prep, homework and a special project that is due tomorrow. And for tonight, that is more than enough.