Our elementary school held a special family event tonight. All the students were invited to bring their parents and siblings and come to school for a presentation about the new anti-bullying program they’ve initiated.

The program was fun. They brought in “G-Man,” a mascot and performer from the Washington Wizards. He did cool basketball dunking tricks with a trampoline, and talked to everyone about the need to appreciate our differences and treat others with respect. It was kind of hard to take his platitudes completely seriously, as he was garbed in a blue nylon suit with padded muscles. Even his face was completely covered in blue, so rather than listen I mostly tried to figure out how he could see and breathe in that thing. But he could jump really high.

After the event, while we stood in line waiting for G-Man’s autograph, the vice principal came around and gave out small laminated cards which offered various tips for parents whose children are bullying or being bullied.

Atop one page of the card it said: What Can Parents Do If Their Child Is Bullied?

The first solution listed was, “Help the child develop talents and positive attributes.”

So, in other words, their advice for parents of a bullied child is, “Try to help him be less of a loser.”