Beauty, thy name is Pageant Mom

Is it too late to rename any of my children Sparkal? Or to laugh hysterically when my daughter says if she loses the competition she’s going to punch the winner and take her money? Oh, and can I spend thousands of dollars to have my six-year-old daughter judged to see if she’s the whoriest? Yet I cannot stop watching Toddlers & Tiaras. I CANNOT.